she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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