look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
