Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
