Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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