People in love make me want to vomit
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
