What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
