I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
