I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
