and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
