my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
