did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just had sex bonerless
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
