I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
it was like eating out sand paper
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
