I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
