everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
