He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
