why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
