You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
