girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
