So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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