This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
