I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
