doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
