Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
