Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Operation Purity has been aborted
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
