you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize