I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
