The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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