i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize