I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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