Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
