this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
