The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
