I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
