We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Is Oprah even human
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
