I just gift wrapped bread.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
