oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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