They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
