I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
