glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
