Someone shit on the floor
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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