"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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