LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
this is an emotional support booty call
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
