Umm I'm too high to move.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
