So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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