I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
