he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
