Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
