i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
