Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
