And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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