I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
