Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
